When we talk, share a story or a part of ourselves at our core we all want to be validated. What we put out in the world, we want to know it’s real, it’s a shared experience. Validation fosters connection. The act of validation allows us to not feel alone in this world. That our reality is shared. And as human beings, we are all social beings with a drive to find connection with others.

Validation is finding the “kernel of truth in someone’s perspective” (Linehan, 2015). It’s a key element of good listening and conversational skills.

Showing approval or approving of something or someone is often confused with validation. And the fact is, that you can genuinely validate someone and not approve.

Let say you have a friend who is going on and on about how someone has hurt them, your friend is expressing how angry she is, and in that anger she explains explicitly how horrible a person that other person is. Now, you have never met this other person…or maybe you have, and your personal opinion is that they are in fact quite a decent person. However, you see and hear that your friend standing in front of you is angry. Validation would be stating, “You seem angry, so-and-so really upset you”. Validation is not diving into agreeing the other person is horrible – you have no facts to support that and or you don’t agree they are. It’s finding “the kernel of truth in someone’s perceptive or situation” (Linehan, 2015)